Sellers Family Five

Annual Daddy/Daughter and Mother/Son Dates

2012-02-14T21:37:00.005-07:00

For years now, we've taken all of our special Valentines on individual dates in the month of February. They get to pick whatever they want to do. Matt takes Maylee Grace and I take the boys. It is such a special time and it's so fun to see how excited each of the kids get as their date day approaches.

Maylee Grace picked a date to the library and Krispy Kreme. Daddy surprised her with mini roses which she proudly has displayed in her room currently. He also took her to buy her a new dress. She picked a very pink and princessy dress and could not wait to show off her treasures from the day. She must have smiled all day long!

Payton knew exactly where he wanted to go. He picked a date to Build a Bear. He also wanted to eat lunch at Lone Star Steakhouse, because he "loves their bread." He had a blast and even talked the waitress into giving him two loaves of bread to bring home.

Camden picked Cold Stone and a movie. So, we went to watch 'Journey 2 Mysterious Island' and got a yummy treat at Cold Stone. He really enjoyed the movie! We had a great time.

She's watching you Daddy

2012-02-14T21:23:00.003-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about how special Maylee Grace is. God has truly blessed her with a sweet, kind spirit. She's always talking, singing and dancing around. She brings so much joy into our home. I love the relationship she has with Matt. She loves her Daddy in such a special way. It's so different than the way she interacts with me. She loves to get Daddy's approval of her outfit or the way she is caring for her baby doll or any major coloring project she's working on. I am so thankful that when the time comes for her to look for the man God has designed for her that her standard for a husband will be set by her fabulous Daddy. She will look for someone just like him....and that is a great thing.

Tutus and Tennis

2012-02-14T21:14:00.003-07:00

Payton and Maylee Grace have been doing two new classes through the City of Rio Rancho. Payton is taking tennis lessons and Maylee Grace is taking a Tiny Toes class that is an intro to ballet and tap. They are both having an absolute blast.

Maylee Grace and her friend Avery

Packers Waffles!

2012-01-02T10:31:00.003-07:00

Matt got a Packers Waffle and Sandwich Maker for Christmas from his Dad. He is quite proud of it. He's showing off his Packers pride at breakfast!

Happy Birthday JESUS!

2011-12-27T11:18:00.003-07:00

Christmas was wonderful as always this year. On Christmas Eve, we read the story of the real St. Nicholas about how he gave and showed love because God gave His love to him. What amazing history that people have no idea is a depiction of God's love! Our church had a beautiful Christmas morning service where we had to bring out more chairs, because there was so many people there to celebrate Jesus' birth! We wrapped up the day with the Packers winning. It was a great day!

Maylee Grace with her new bike complete with baby seat and bell!

Couldn't get the boys to turn around long enough for a picture :)

All Aboard!

2011-12-22T12:56:00.007-07:00

In 2008, we took the family and rode the Polar Express in Durango, CO. We knew after that trip that we would want to bring the kids back and do it again. In November, we got a great deal on a hotel, so we knew it was the perfect opportunity! We bought train tickets and waited to surprise the kids. We didn't tell them until the morning we were leaving. I had all the bags packed and we told the kids we had a present that we were going to let them open early. They tore through the packages to find new pajamas and a ticket for the Polar Express. We had a great time and the kids absolutely loved it!

Camden and his friend, Brenna. They've been friends since they were 1! She and her family got tickets on the same train as us!

May holding the golden ticket. She was not going to let go of it. She just sat and took everything in. She loved it!

My cute snow bunny

Band Concert

2011-12-16T14:28:00.003-07:00

Camden decided at the beginning of the school year to join the band. He knew exactly what instrument he wanted to play...the trumpet. Last night, all the 5th grade Band students in Rio Rancho showed off their new skills on their instruments. I've been quite impressed at how quickly he's learned. He has Band practice only twice a week and he also takes trumpet lessons with his friend, Matthew, from Mr. Stephen at church. He has, so far, really enjoyed it and learned a lot. He considers it extra special that his trumpet is Papa's trumpet.

Payton's Special Day

2011-12-16T14:17:00.003-07:00

This video pretty much says it all. Payton has been super sensitive to learning about who Jesus is and what He did for us and all of our "mess-ups" (sins). He had been asking lots of questions. He sat down with Mommy and Daddy and we talked about what the Bible says about our free gift from God. What a special present just for us! We just have to accept it. With such a sweet and innocent prayer, he asked Jesus to come live in his heart forever. What a special day as parents to rejoice with him!

SNOW!

2011-12-16T13:19:00.003-07:00

We had our first big snow storm of the season and it was COLD out there! The temperature didn't matter to the kids. They all put on their snow clothes and headed out. Camden played with several of the neighbor kids from the street while they all celebrated having 3 days out of school due to all the snow. (He was busy playing with his friends which is why he is not in any of the snow pictures.)

My Rising Star

2011-11-09T08:54:00.003-07:00

Camden received the Rising Star Award at school last night. We are SO very proud of him! His teacher shared about what a great friend he is, how respectful he is and how hard he is working in school. It was a special night.

Camden and his teacher Mrs. Walls

Harvest Festival

2011-10-31T20:40:00.003-06:00

We made our rounds at Harvest Festival this year. The kids had a blast and as always raked in a ton of candy. I really don't like the idea of their bags full of yummy candy just sitting on the kitchen counter all day.....oh temptation.

Captain Rex, Jango Fett, and the cutest Tinkerbell you've ever seen

Oh man...she is so beautiful. I can't tell you how many people told me that tonight. I tell her all the time that "God made her SO beautiful."

Bible Character Night

2011-10-31T20:36:00.003-06:00

At Awana Cubbies, it was Dress like a Bible Character Night. When I asked Payton who he wanted to be, he immediately answered "David!" So, we opted for no sling shot :) and just the bag full of rocks. He was happy. Maylee Grace wanted to be a princess. We looked through her Princess Bible to see who might be wearing a purple dress, because she already had a purple princess dress. We found Hannah! So, we talked about who Hannah was and how she prayed and prayed that God would give her a baby in her tummy. I am quite partial to the story of Hannah. So here is my David and Hannah....and of course, baby Samuel.

Pumpkin Patch

2011-10-27T14:51:00.005-06:00

We went to gather our pumpkins at the pumpkin patch with our friends. It was COLD! We had lots of fun playing in the western town, zooming down the big pipe slides and seeing the animals.

May and Julianna petting the bunny.

Maylee Grace admiring her pumpkin. She spotted this little guy and said, "Mom, I want this one. It's beautiful." :)

The REALLY awesome and amazingly cool moms that took their kids to the pumpkin patch. What blessed kids they must have!

Ben, Camden, Payton and Shelby trying to keep warm on the hay ride

sweet friends

Taking Flight

2011-10-27T14:45:00.002-06:00

Matt and Camden got to go for a plane ride last week! A friend of ours from church is a pilot and offered to take them for a ride. They flew right over our house and the little kids and I went out back to wave.

Payton's Birthday

2011-10-27T09:05:00.002-06:00

Payton's new bike

2011-10-10T18:06:00.002-06:00

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.....in Albuquerque

2011-10-01T20:51:00.005-06:00

It's Balloon Fiesta Week! We've lived here for 10 years now and it never gets old! My sister and her family were here to enjoy the balloons for the first weekend. We had lots of fun this morning. The best thing is we get to go several more times before the week is done!

Camden trying to fly a balloon with the pilot simulator. He did great!

Gymnastics

2011-09-21T20:25:00.003-06:00

Payton and Maylee Grace have been taking a gymnastics class through the City of Rio Rancho. They are in class together which has been the cutest thing to watch. They stay right beside each other the entire time. I love that they love each other so much. They are such great friends. Payton has been most excited about the actual gym activites. Maylee Grace has been most excited about wearing a gymnastics outfit each week.

This is her "butterfly". Every week she shouts out for everyone to hear, "I'm a pink butterfly!" I love that little girl.

Kick-off Sunday at Paragon Church

2011-09-21T20:17:00.005-06:00

We had Fall Kick-off Sunday at Paragon. Everyone wore their favorite team attire. Of course, our family donned the Green and Gold! Sunday included tail gating goodies, astroturf and a goal post!! We had lots of fun!

Birthday Bash Weekend

2011-09-21T18:27:00.004-06:00

We went to Amarillo this past weekend to celebrate Papa's 60th birthday and Easton's (nephew/cousin) 2nd birthday.

the birthday boy... Easton

All the cousins: Molly (3 mos), Easton (2), Maylee Grace (3), Payton (almost 5), Camden (10)

Church Hayride

2011-08-20T21:40:00.003-06:00

We had a family hayride for church Friday night. What a fun time! It was a beautiful night. We had so much fun with our church family.

Camden and his buddy, Ezekial

Payton and his buddy, Ezra

Maylee Grace and her BFF, Nira

On any given Sunday or church event, you will rarely see these two apart from each other. Their special friendship is absolutely adorable to watch.

SMORES!

The Texas girl coming out in me...if only I had a pair of cowboy boots that still fit me.

My two handsome cowboys and beautiful cowgirl

Isn't this kid so stinkin' cute??

May and Nira

First Day of 5th Grade!

2011-08-20T21:38:00.003-06:00

My Camden could not wait to get out the door to start his first day of 5th grade. I cannot believe this is his last year in elementary school. I am praying that God uses him in a mighty way at school.

Princess Ball at the Castle de Sellers

2011-08-13T12:07:00.009-06:00

The King and Queen requested the presence of the local princesses and princes for a royal celebration for Princess Maylee Grace. We had quite the royal evening. All the princesses were dressed in their finest for the ball. The Belle of the ball had a lovely time.

Maylee Grace, Mallory, Julianna

Cinderella (Maylee Grace), Rapunzel (Riley), Snow White (Nira)

Avery, Nira, Abigail, Alice, Maylee Grace, Riley, Mallory, Julianna, Payton, Nick

Nick really liked all the jewels. He was quite the available Prince at the ball.

Maylee Grace and Nira looking through the royal jewels

My sweet Princess is 3!!!

2011-08-13T12:03:00.002-06:00

My precious Maylee Grace turned "3" on 8/8/11. It seems like just yesterday she came into the world. She is so much fun. Not a day goes by that I don't think about how extremely blessed I am to have had a little girl after my two boys.

San Antonio, TEXAS

2011-08-07T22:39:00.003-06:00

We were so blessed to go on a family vacation with our great friends, the Bakers. We went to San Antonio, TX. We had a fun-filled schedule for the week. We ventured out to the Riverwalk. We went to a Wildlife Safari Ranch, SeaWorld and Six Flags. We had a such a great time. There were lots of smiles and very happy kiddos on this trip.

the kids on the Riverwalk Riverboat tour

In front of the Alamo in 105 degree heat

The boys standing by the Davey Crocket statue. They knew exactly which one he was.

Salt Lick BBQ

2011-08-07T22:25:00.003-06:00

One of our stops in Texas was the Salt Lick BBQ in Driftwood. Matt had seen an episode on Food Network and decided that was the place we needed to go. It was yummy BBQ and everyone had great things to say about their dinner. We got to meet up with my youth pastor and his wife, Todd and Lisa O'Brien while in TX. These two were pivotal people in my life, especially Lisa. Over the years, our relationship changed from leader/student to life long friends. Lisa was my matron of honor in our wedding. It was so great to see them and their kids!

Christy, Lisa, Todd

Mayson, Creighton, Maylee Grace, Lauren, Camden, Bryson, Payton, Brooklyn waiting outside patiently for our turn at some yummy food.

Natural Bridge Wildlife Ranch

2011-08-07T22:02:00.004-06:00

We went on this African safari in Texas! This was one of the highlights of the trip. The kids had so much fun feeding the animals that were coming right up to the car. The zebras got a little too friendly.

Maylee Grace, Lauren, Camden, Bryson, Brooklyn, Payton

This crazy zebra would open his mouth really wide whenever you hold the food up. He'd catch the piece of food in his mouth. It was so funny. Everyone in our car was just cracking up at this guy.

The boys feeding a very friendly deer.

SeaWorld San Antonio

2011-08-07T21:35:00.006-06:00

We got to go to SeaWorld for two days. Our kids had an absolute blast. The two little kids loved all the shows. We watched the Shamu show twice and the dolphin show as well as a children's show that showcased all the Sesame Street characters. Camden loved the roller coasters and other rides. We also got to spend lots of time playing in the water!

Maylee Grace and Lauren with Zoe from Sesame Street

Feeding the dolphins

Maylee Grace had been talking about petting a dolphin for weeks. She finally got to do it! This moment was priceless.

The gang in front of SeaWorld: Lauren, Brooklyn, Payton, Maylee Grace, Bryson, Camden

Totally pooped after an awesome day at SeaWorld. Notice the dolphin and Shamu right beside each of them. I couldn't resist taking this photo.

Aquarium and Butterfly Pavillion

2011-07-28T08:24:00.004-06:00

We went to the Aquarium and Butterfly Pavillion with Aunt Rachel and our friends Stephanie and Nira from church. Nira and Maylee Grace have become quite good friends at church. They are surrounded by mostly boys their age in the nursery, so they stick together! They are so fun to watch.

Petting the sting rays and baby sharks

This is exactly what they do every Sunday at church. They walk around holding hands all the way out to the parking lot. It's so cute.

Maylee Grace and Nira's funny faces

Sweet, sweet girls

Aunt Rachel and Maylee Grace

Trip to Texas!

2011-07-28T08:19:00.003-06:00

We went to Amarillo to meet our new niece/cousin, Molly Rae. She's a cutie!

Camden (10), Payton (4), Maylee Grace (2), Easton (1), Molly Rae (1 month)

Worship4Life Camp

2011-07-17T23:27:00.006-06:00

Last year, Matt was asked to be the camp speaker for the Worship4Life Camp for High School leadership students this summer. He agreed to do it long before we found out he had cancer. For a while, we weren't sure if he would have the energy and even ability to speak at the camp. God is good and in His perfect time, Matt was feeling the best he had felt in weeks the week we were to go to camp. Our whole family was invited to come along with Matt. It was a great restful week. The weather was beautiful and cool. We had a cabin all to ourselves. We just enjoyed each other and God's beautiful creation. While we were there, Camden participated in the Children's Missions Camp that was going on at the same time. He stayed busy and exhausted the whole week. One night it rained and we were prepared with rain boots and umbrellas. The two younger kids had a blast playing in the rain.

This deer was right behind our cabin.

4th of July

2011-07-17T23:19:00.004-06:00

We had a wonderful 4th of July as we do every year. It began being in the Rio Rancho parade with Paragon Church and ended with our annual backyard party to watch the fireworks. We had 80+ spectators join us in our backyard!Matt's goal was to be able to consume a hot dog by the 4th of July. He couldn't eat the bun and had to practically mince it....but HE ATE A HOT DOG! :)

Space Camp

2011-07-01T20:21:00.003-06:00

Camden had an amazing opportunity to take two classes at the Unser Racing Museum/ NM Challenger Museum (on the same property) here in town. This week he completed "Race In Space" where he learned about the similarities between race cars, airplanes and spaceships and "Robotics" where he learned about and constructed robots. He came home everyday so excited about what he had learned and got to make that day. What a great week for him!

Camden and his good friend, John Michael. They were partners for the week. They constructed two different robots.

This was another robot they made. It had to travel safely to the end of the line and then drop an astronaunt into the "space station". They did it! It was pretty impressive.

This is John Michael's little brother, Ben. He and Payton are buddies. I had to throw this one in. :)

The Greatness of our God

2011-06-28T10:59:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since Matt's last treatment. His first week was rough. Two days after completion of treatment, he got 3 new blisters/sores on his tongue. It was so painful for him to talk. It was a little discouraging knowing he should be on the mend.

Moving into the second week, we finally began to "see the light"! He began to feel better. He was able to talk without gagging (this was a huge accomplishement). This past Sunday was his first Sunday back to preach at Paragon Church. I think I held my breath for the first 5 minutes. He brilliantly planned to have our worship leader, Gerome, read the passages for him and then sing songs between his major points. This allowed him time to rinse his mouth out and take a break. God is good!

A couple of nights ago, Matt and I were talking about the whirlwind that we've been through in the last few months. February 14 of this year changed any plans we had for the immediate future. We talked about how we had made it. Now, things are going to only get better from here. The battle in my mind begins to flip-flop. One minute, I resonate our accomplishment. The next my mind races with all the "what if's". What will the results of the next PETscan show? Will the cancer come back? Will cancer take my husband's life? I don't remember being this fearful the first time. Maybe it is because it did return and in such an agressive way. Then, God quickly reminds me of His greatness. My mind turns back to how faithful He has been. Matt is still here. He can still speak...Praise God. He has been faithful in our church. People have stepped up and the ministry to Rio Rancho didn't skip a beat....Praise God. I have to hold onto His greatness. He is greater still. I have to trust in His greatness. I will never be able to fully know His greatness this side of Heaven, but I have to purpose to recognize it in everything He has entrusted to me....blessings and trials.

"Give me grace to see beyond this moment here,
to believe that there is nothing left to fear.
And You were on it, high above it all,
And You, my God, are greater still"
by Natalie Grant

God's Word reminds us that NOTHING can separate us from His love....not fear, not cancer, not inadequacy, not imperfection, not distance....NOTHING.

Romans 8:38-39
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Today we celebrate!

2011-06-15T16:39:00.005-06:00

I don't even know where to begin to reflect on this journey. While the physical part of this trial is over, the next few months will be filled with recovery, healing, doctor's appointments and routine PET scans to ensure all the cancer cells are indeed out of Matt's body.

Let me first acknowledge that I am married to a man of incredible strength. He is truly amazing. Everyone that saw him during the last few months could see the physical toll this was taking on his body, but there was so much that everyone didn't see. He was fighting a major battle physically, emotionally and spiritually. I am so proud of him for not stopping treatment when he wanted to. He still has a long road to get "back to normal", but at least he's on THAT road now. One of his biggest concerns when things started getting rough was how hard it was for me and the kids. That is who he is and I love that about him.

God has been working on me through this journey. I had to let go of things or expections that I held so tightly to. There were times that I thought I might not make to this day. I specifically recall a night that Matt had gone to bed really early (which had been routine due to his fatigue). The house was quiet and dark. I sat down on the floor and vocally cried out to God. I was done. This was too hard. We were surrounded by people who loved and supported us, but yet I felt completely alone. It was like He said to me...I am the One you need.

I am so elated to celebrate today. The kids are excited too. We've been counting down the treatment days on our paper chain. We had planned today to take all 3 kids and Mrs. Juanita with us to the very last treatment. Then, we were going to a donut shop around the corner to celebrate! That is just what we did. While Matt was unable to enjoy a donut, he was excited to be done and share in the celebration with the kids.

From here, it's just going to get better.

Last day of treatment 212 lbs

First day of treatment 257 lbs

Waiting for Daddy to finish his last treatment

Poor Daddy couldn't eat a donut today, but we hope to visit this same donut shop at his 1 month appointment and he can down a French Crueller. :)

An Unexpected Blessing

2011-06-15T16:26:00.003-06:00

Before Matt started his treatments, Juanita Peralta from our church, approached me. She said to me that she wanted me to be able to go every day and be beside my husband during his treatments and doctor's appointments. While she would probably graciously bow out of any public thanksgiving, I wanted to share with everyone I know the blessing she was to me personally during this journey. One of my first concerns when we found out about Matt's cancer and then, the treatment he was going to require, was how am I going to be able to be there for him and take care of the kids? I cried out to God knowing that I could not do this alone. Juanita had no idea about that plea to God from me. She just stepped up and knew that she was able. This beautiful woman came to my house almost every treatment day (37 treatments) and I think she still loves us. :) She was here before my kids even got up most days. She got Camden ready for school. She fed everyone breakfast. She saw our family up close and personal...the good, the bad, the ugly. She saw my messy house. She saw my crazy kids. She even saw some of my melt downs. Most of all, she allowed me to let go of the huge responsibilities I have at home, so that I could fully support and physically be there for my husband every day. Not to mention, my children have totally fallen in love with "Mrs. Nita". Thank you with all my heart Juanita.

No One Fights Alone

2011-06-15T16:13:00.006-06:00

As we turned the corner to our street, we were so surprised to see our house all spruced up with decorations! Not only that, we had a group of people waiting to meet us when we got home. What a humbling moment to see a group of people that were genuinely as excited about this day as we were. Several weeks ago, we sold 100+ bracelets at church to show Matt that we were all praying for him and rooting him on. The bracelets read "No One Fights Alone". The group of loved ones standing in our front yard today was a beautiful reminder that we haven't been fighting alone.
I have the last chain link in hand!

Only 1 more left!

2011-06-15T07:51:00.002-06:00

The paper chain only has one more left! One more treatment! I have no doubt that the kids and I are just as excited as Matt is! We want our Daddy back.

Splash Day!

2011-06-08T20:42:00.003-06:00

We had so much fun playing in the water today. Several friends from church came over to have a day of fun in the sun. There were lots of smiles and giggles in our backyard today. A highlight for all the kids was playing with shaving cream. They all got a kick out of getting covered in gooey shaving cream.

Chick-fil-a Pirate and Princess Night

2011-06-08T20:36:00.004-06:00

We had lots of fun dressing up for Pirate and Princess night at Chick-fil-a. The kids had been so excited for this night for a week! We got to meet Miss New Mexico and a real pirate ;) and of course, the Chick-fil-a Cow. It was so cute to see how excited they were.

5 more treatments!

2011-06-08T20:28:00.003-06:00

Matt will complete his 37 radiation treatments next Wednesday! We met with the doctor today. Again, she was concerned with Matt's weight. He weighed in at 215lbs. The doctor said he will have 3 month check-ups with her as well as his surgeon/cancer doctor after completion of radiation.

One of the side effects from the radiation treatments is hair loss. We took a picture of Matt's bald spots before we shaved his head to make it a little less obvious. The two spots on the back of his head are where the lasers exit. They enter on his chin where he also has baby soft skin with no hair.

...they are weak, but HE is strong....

2011-05-30T22:58:00.003-06:00

In just a few short hours, we'll load up once again to make the drive across town to the radiation clinic for Matt to resume his treatments. He has a remaining 12 treatments with an ending date of June 15. While taking a break from treatments was not originally a welcomed idea, it has truly been a much needed blessing for our family. Matt was physically at the end of his rope and this short retreat gave him the physical strength he needs to continue this fight. As for our family, we got to see a little of our Matt back this week. You have no idea what a joy it is to see my husband smile and joke around after the last 3-4 weeks we've had. He actually left the house several times this week. My kids got to have their Daddy lay on a blanket in the backyard with them while they ran around and played. What might seem like little things were huge blessings to me and my kids. We are grateful. This week gave us all a chance to come up for air and take a huge breath before diving into the weeks ahead.

With this week under our belt, we will embrace tomorrow as the first step to the end! Matt has been very bothered by the fact the paper chain (see earlier post) has not gotten any shorter this week. He's ready to get this show on the road. :) He's ready to get done and get better. I feel like this break was a gift of strength for Matt and for me. We know where our strength comes from. Nehemiah 8:10, "...the joy of the Lord is my strength."

I heard this song several weeks ago on the radio. I had to download right that minute and ended up playing it for Matt on one of our car rides to get his treatments.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jlHzSori-Wg&feature=related

Strong Enough
by Matthew West

You must
You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through
Well, forgive me
Forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough Strong enough
For the both of us

Well, maybe Maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up
Cause when I'm finally Finally at rock bottom
Well, that's when I start looking up
And reaching out

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give upI'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough

Cause I'm broken Down to nothing
But I'm still holding on to the one thing
You are God and you are strong
When I am weak
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be Strong enough Strong enough

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give upI'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough

Benefit...Blessing Dinner

2011-05-26T10:29:00.006-06:00

On Friday night, May 20, 200+ people gathered to serve, support and love on our family. When we walked into the doors of the church, we were both overwhelmed to see so many volunteers scurrying about helping with food. Then, we walked into the PowerHouse and saw table upon table full of people that have been in our lives, some for 8+ years.

It's hard to express the overwhelming feeling that I had that night. What a beautiful night! So many details were put into to making this the perfect blessing for our family. A group of ladies worked hard making enchiladas and desserts from scratch. The centerpieces told the story of our family with words and pictures. My Dad, Pastor Si and Scott Brownson were all part of the evening to encourage my husband.

My Dad got up spoke of the man of God that Matt had become and how very proud he was of him. (We had a bet going that he would cry....he didn't!) Then, Pastor Si encouraged Matt to keep on. He reminded him of all the people that love him and are supporting him right now. Then, he said "Don't give up. We all need you." Every person in the room stood to their feet and began to applaud. I was so proud of myself because I had held it together up to that point. Goose bumps covered every inch of my skin and tears filled my eyes. While he would probably never admit it, even Matt had tears in his eyes in that moment. That was it. We need him. There was a new spring in his step after Friday night. What a blessing. My Matt needed that encouragement to his weary soul. We are so grateful for all the time and service that was put into Friday night. We will never forget it.

Children's Church

2011-05-26T10:19:00.002-06:00

A friend captured Payton as he was helping lead the songs on Sunday morning at church. He takes after his father and loves to be the center of attention.

Who's in charge?

2011-05-26T10:17:00.002-06:00

I anticipate writing in the near future about the beautiful benefit dinner for our family on Friday night. I’m waiting oh-so patiently for some pictures that a friend took to capture the amazing evening.

I have gone back and forth in my mind about whether to be completely open with what is on my mind and the lesson that I am learning. You see, I don’t like to be vulnerable to really let people in to see the real me. It might come from being a Pastor’s Kid all my life and living in what they call the fish bowl. Everyone seemed to know everything about me and my family and have an opinion on how we “should” be. It took me a long time to let go of those expectations put on me by others.

One of my greatest strengths AND my greatest weakness is that I am a perfectionist. There….I said it. That being said, I will be the first to assure you that I am FAR from perfect. While this is not the first trial God has used to teach me in this area, this has definitely been the most difficult. I long for the day that I have my organized, on-time, prepared mind back. A friend recently said she had covered for me to someone that emailed me and never got a response (in my defense, it had been less than 48 hrs). She told this person that I wasn’t good at returning emails. Hearing that come from her mouth made me stop in my tracks. That wasn’t me. I do return emails. My life has not been the same since February 14 this year. My time is consumed with supporting my husband through this journey and making sure that my sweet children are phased as little as they can be by what’s going on in our house. There are days that it is all I can do to put one foot in front of the other and make it to bedtime. I am emotionally, physically and even spiritually exhausted. Everything that I once had to just be on top of…emails, house work, phone calls, appointments, etc….all of those things are not a priority. It’s not that they aren’t important. It is that those are things that I had to move to the very bottom of my “to do” list. My time is focused elsewhere. My focus was shifted to one thing….I have to get my husband and family through this. All of the other things, I let go. I do hope that there is a day when I can feel like I have a better grasp on the little things in life again.

This has been an eye-opener to get my focus back on God and not trying to be or have everything perfect. I have learned that as much as I’d like everything to be perfect, it’s not going to be. And, that’s okay. I want to love God with all my heart, soul and mind and that has to be my main focus. Then, I want to love my husband and precious gifts from God with every ounce of my being. If everything else falls down around me, that’s okay. I do still believe God calls us to be good stewards of what we’ve been given and I’m not speaking just about finances. We are called to be good stewards of our relationships, our families, our blessings, but getting so wrapped up in trying to control everything and make it perfect is consuming and has to be given to God. I cannot make things perfect. When things are not going as I would have liked them to, I have to remind myself that God is God and I am not. I want to, again, lay this at Jesus’ feet. I give all my control to God. I surrender. I have no idea what You’re doing in our family, but I need you and I want you to be the Guy in charge around here.

Life is hard, but God is good

2011-05-17T09:17:00.003-06:00

Matt is pushing through the radiation treatments. We met with his doctor yesterday and she reprimanded him for not taking in enough calories. So this week, I work on fattening him up. :) She warned him of the side effects getting worse throughout this week. She said it looks like he may have to take a week off because of the blisters and other things going on in his mouth. This is typical with treatments of head and neck cancer. Matt would rather just push through and get it done, but she said proceeding could cause permanent damage and they want to make sure that doesn't happen. She'll check him out again on Monday and decide.

This is hard on our whole family. Just yesterday, Matt was exhausted and headed back to take a nap. Maylee Grace said, "Daddy, I don't want you to go to sleep." :( The kids miss their Dad. I miss my husband. He's not himself. I have to remind myself that this is just temporary and I'm constantly praying for strength from God.

We made a paper chain with the number of treatments Matt has left. It helps the kids have a part in what's going on and they get to see an end. Here is my slim and trim husband. He weighed in at 267lbs before surgery. He weighed in Monday at 237lbs.

The Sun is Out and the Wind is Gone!

2011-05-17T09:12:00.003-06:00

The days have been beautiful lately and the kids are loving be outside as many hours a day as they can be! I love to see the smiles on their faces and I thought I'd share them!

Our baby boy turned 10!!!

2011-05-08T13:49:00.004-06:00

On May 6, Camden turned 10. Where has the time gone? We celebrated this year by going to an indoor waterpark hotel in Albuquerque. He brought his great friend, Bryson, along with us. Unfortunately, Matt wasn't able to come because his radiation treatments were making him so fatigued. We did celebrate with cake and presents at home before we went to the waterpark. All the kids had a blast and were worn out by the end!

This is NOT fun

2011-05-05T22:52:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow, Matt will complete radiation treatment #14 of 37. He still has a way to go. This week was supposed to be a week of celebrations at our house. Our 13th wedding anniversary was Sunday, my birthday was today, Camden's birthday tomorrow and Mother's Day on Sunday. Unfortunately, it has been a trying week for our family and most especially Matt.

The side effects of the radiation have worsened over the last week. Matt can now only last about 4-5 hours in the morning and then, he needs to sleep. He comes home from work at lunch time and takes a 2-3 hour nap and then, never really bounces back after the nap. He feels nauseous all the time. His mouth is filled with a thick mucus that makes it hard to swallow and talk. He has blisters on the inside of his cheek and lip and his tongue is basically raw. He has also completely lost his taste buds. This morning, he said to me, "I can't do this anymore." It's getting tough.

I feel completely helpless watching him suffer. There is not much I can do to ease his discomfort other than let him sleep and rest. It breaks my heart to not hear his laughs or see his smile all day. I just want to scream, "Why?? Why does he have to go through this?" On the other hand, we need him to do this for us. This radiation will hopefully be away to get ahead of the cancer, so we never have to deal with this again. I am just holding on with white knuckles to the Truth I know, but sometime it's so hard to grasp.

I Peter 1:6-7
"There is wonderful joy ahead even though it is necessary for you to endure many trials for a while. These trials are only to test your faith, to show that it is strong and pure. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold--and your faith is far more precious to God than mere gold. So if your faith remains strong after being tried by fiery trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world."

"Like a metalsmith, God places His precious ore in a fire to consume the dross--to purify the metal, not to destroy it. And He never leaves the metal alone in the fire. He stays with it through each step of the refining process, until He can see His own image reflected in its surface."

This is NOT fun. I pray that as God is refining and purifying Matt and me that He will be pleased with the final outcome. It's going to hurt, it's going to be timely, and it's going to require total loss of control. He loves us so much that He will not leave our side during this entire journey. I pray that our purified metal reflects Christ's image to reveal His glory to all when this is over.

Week 2 of Radiation Complete!

2011-04-29T16:55:00.003-06:00

This has been a slightly rough week for Matt. At the beginning of the week, he already noticed his first blisters. Then, his face continued to swell. The doctors were confused as to what might be causing the swelling. They thought it could be an infection from his surgery or from the radiation itself. The swelling was making Matt feel miserable and unable to speak without pain. After seeing 2 different doctors this week, his radiation doctor called Thursday afternoon and said she knew what it was that was causing the swelling. She assumed that it might be a clogged duct or gland. She called in a prescription and after 3 doses his swelling has gone down significantly which has lifted his spirits. He is unable to taste very well and it still is painful, but unfortunately is has to get worse before it gets better. He is also still very tired.

Please continue to pray that Matt doesn't get discouraged. He is faced with having to endure this everyday knowing that it is going to just get worse. On Tuesday, he was flat out angry that his face was so swollen and painful....it made for a long drive to the radiation office that day. :) He did take in a video camera and tripod this week to video the 15 minute process of his treatment. You can see it on our Paragon Church blog : http://www.paragonchurchblog.blogspot.com/

Resurrection Day!

2011-04-25T14:24:00.007-06:00

We had a blessed Resurrection Day! We had a beautiful morning at Paragon Church. Then, continued to celebrate the Risen Saviour with great family friends. Poor Maylee Grace came down with an awful fever at lunch and took a long nap and missed out on hunting for Easter eggs.

Bryson and Camden

Maylee Grace and her buddy, Nick from church

Saturday morning, we made our annual Resurrection rolls to remember that Jesus wasn't dead, HE IS ALIVE. We take Jesus' body (marshmallow) and anoint it with oil and spices (melted butter and cinnamon/sugar). Then, we wrap His body in clothes (crescent roll). We put the body into the tomb (oven). When the rolls are done, Jesus' body (marshmallow) is not there!

HE IS ALIVE!

One week down...

2011-04-22T11:42:00.005-06:00

This week we left our house at 7am everyday to battle traffic to the radiation office. First, let me say, we have been abundantly blessed by a dear friend who has volunteered to come be with my sleepy headed children every morning so that I might accompany my husband to his treatments. I feel extremely grateful that she is giving her time so that I can support and be there for my husband. It is a gift that means more than she will ever know. I was sharing with someone this week about this sweet friend and they responded, "That's what the body of Christ does." It's a beautiful depiction of giving whatever you are capable of giving and then, serving whenever God calls. Thank you, Juanita.

Matt is doing well after his first week of treatments. The only side effects he has noticed at this point is extreme fatigue and his face is swelling. He asked the radiation tech today about the swelling and they mentioned that was a common side effect. The hardest thing right now is that he is so tired. His body is remaking cells that the radiation is killing, so it is working overtime trying to catch up. He has met with a radiation consultant this week and the doctor. They were checking in to see how he is feeling. They began to prepare him for the side effects that are to come: dry mouth, severe sore throat, blisters on the inside of his mouth and outside of his face and the continuation of fatigue. Matt is staying positive, but not looking forward to the drive the next 5 weeks every day. Although, he did invite all of the people working at the radiation office to Easter service. Their excuse was that it was too far from where they lived. He said, "If I have to come all the way over here to see you everyday for the next 6 weeks, you can drive over and see me once on Easter Sunday. "

Maylee Grace relaxing with Daddy. She was trying to get him to say "cheese".

Aunt Carrie, Uncle Steve and Easton came to visit!

2011-04-22T11:36:00.002-06:00

While my sister was here, we took a trip to the Aquarium. I thought it was hard to get a good picture with 3 kids...add another toddler and it's almost impossible. We had a great time though!

Payton (4), Maylee Grace (2), Easton (1) and Camden (9)

Preparing for Radiation Therapy

2011-04-14T23:03:00.003-06:00

Today was a difficult day for me emotionally. I felt a heaviness in my heart as we walked into the radiation clinic. I know that in the next couple of weeks, this will become routine, but today, it shook me to my core. Sitting in the waiting room, I looked around and Matt and I were younger than everyone there by at least 30 years. What was wrong with this picture? My 35 year old husband is preparing for radiation.

Today, his appointment was to be fitted in the mask once again and get accurate marks onto the mask for where the radiation rays will be directed. The nurse came to the waiting room and called Matt's name. We both got up to head to the back of the clinic. The nurse stopped me and said that I couldn't come just yet. My heart was crushed and my stomach sank. Like a scolded puppy, I turned and went back to my seat. In my defense, I wanted to turn and say, "Wait, we're a package deal. We're a team." It's not that Matt was scared or needed me. I just didn't want him to have to do it alone. With tear filled eyes, I sat back down in my seat, clutched my purse and begin to pray that God's presence would be so evident to Matt.

A few minutes passed and the nurse came back to get me. I walked into the room and Matt was in his mask bolted to the table. It was surreal. It was disturbing. We've decided to document this journey in words and pictures. Not that we are experts, by any means, on radiation, but it has been interesting to hear what people assume. Matt is tightly fitted into his mask. He told me today that he can hardly swallow or move his eye balls because it is so tight. He has to wear this 5 days a week for the next 6 weeks. This is going to be painful and take a toll on his body and I would imagine his spirits. Please continue to pray for strength and encouragement for Matt.

His very own parking space!

Who says girls can't like Batman?

2011-04-14T23:01:00.002-06:00

The Glory of the Lord Revealed

2011-04-03T22:10:00.003-06:00

This week was a week of ups and downs. Thursday, we got a call from the radiation doctor saying that they had met as a team of doctors and discussed Matt's case. The doctor was calling to tell us that she felt Matt should go see an oncologist about getting chemotherapy as well as the radiation. This was not welcomed news. Matt was not happy. He began praying asking God why would he possibly need to do both. Several hours after the original phone call, the doctor called back and said after speaking to the oncologist, the didn't think he needed to have chemo. Whew! What a relief!

Friday Matt went down to the radiation office where he had a CT scan and was fitted for his mask. This mask keeps his face/head from moving at all. It will be bolted to the table during the treatment. He had to wear it for 15 minutes or so during the CT scan. A whole hour later, you could still see the imprint from the tight fitting mesh. From here, we have to wait a week for the CT scan results and our insurance to approve the treatments. He is scheduled to start treatment on April 14.

Matt preached this morning for the first time since surgery. He was so excited and did very well as he always does (although I may be a bit partial). At the end of the service his incision site was rock hard and swollen. This afternoon he felt rough and took it easy.

I am not sure why God has allowed this trial in our lives. I am not sure why Matt, the happiest person I know, has to go through this. I may never know this side of Heaven. This is a passage of Scripture that has been especially encouraging.

Isaiah 40: 3-5

"In the desert place, prepare the way of the Lord; make straight in the wilderness a highway for our God. Every valley shall be raised up, every mountian and hill made low; the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places a plain. And the GLORY of the Lord will be revealed and all mankind will see it...."

Praise the Lord that one day, the glory of the Lord will be revealed! Our lives don't come trial-free, but Isaiah told the people--"Prepare to see God work!!" God is going to continue to do great and mighty things through Matt's life. What a day that will be to see the glory of the Lord revealed!

Papaw's visit from WV

2011-03-22T11:59:00.003-06:00

Matt's Dad, a.k.a. Papaw, came in for the week after Matt's surgery. Being that he and Memaw live so far away, we don't have the luxury of seeing them very often. Since the invention of skype our kids get to "see" them on the computer almost every week. Paul came out to help with the patient. Matt was worried that he wouldn't be able to do much with his Dad, but his quick recovery allowed for lots of good times this past week. It mostly consisted of watching basketball. We are so very grateful that he took a week to come into our crazy world for a few days. I love my father-in-law.

More than we could ask or imagine....

2011-03-18T22:31:00.002-06:00

Ephesians 3:20-21

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory...."

Today was Matt's post-op appointment with his doctor, exactly 1 week from surgery. The doctor kept saying over and over again how amazed he was that Matt was healing so fast after such a major surgery. He did go over the pathology reports with us. They didn't find any cancer in the lymph nodes and salivary gland that he removed; however, the doctor believes Matt should still radiate the area (as well as his tongue) to "get ahead of the cancer". The best way he explained it to us was the cancer is like a dandelion. He pulled it out at the root and by the root, but doesn't mean that pieces of it didn't go anywhere else. Matt needs to do the radiation to kill any of the seeds that might have planted in his mouth or neck. The doctor removed the steri strips from Matt's neck, so we got the first look at his incision. Matt's doctor is a plastic surgeon, so he did a great job in sewing Matt up. I don't think his incision will even be noticeable in a few weeks.

I think about this very time last week and Matt was in pain and absolutely miserable. We had no idea what the week was going to have in store. We had no idea how much speech would remain for Matt. I remember sitting in the hospital room just waiting for him to be more alert to hear him try to talk. When he did become more alert, I was able to tell him that the doctor only had to take the margins once which meant, he took the least amount of his tongue that he could have. Matt just gave me a thumbs up in his drug induced state. :)

I am so blessed to report that Matt is doing great! Due to his love for food, he's been trying to sample almost every dish that has come to our house the last 3 days. He has to take it slow and very small bites and his taste buds aren't quite up to par, but he can eat! He also is speaking remarkably well. I really can't believe how well he is speaking. He can't wait to go to church on Sunday!

From here.....Matt will most likely start radiation in 3 weeks. He has one more appointment where his doctor will release him to start the radiation therapy. As he started looking at the calendar today, he immediately pointed out that Easter would fall before week 3 which is when the pain that comes with the therapy will most likely start. He really wants to be able to speak on Easter.

All I can really say is that WE ARE BLESSED! God has given us strength to get through this first portion of this journey. Even in the moments when I felt like I couldn't take another step, God did something, sent someone, or led me to Scripture to remind me He is here with us.

My Rock

2011-03-14T12:10:00.004-06:00

Matt is doing much better today. He is up and around and even playing video games! One huge blessing is that his speech sounds pretty good for the type of surgery he just had. I was encouraging him this morning on how well he was speaking. That was one of his biggest fears was not being able to speak and be understood. At this point, his tongue is still very swollen, so his speech is slurred and it is painful for him to speak, but I can understand him!! Praise God! He had a much better night of sleep without the neck drain. He even tried eating some pudding and yogurt last night. Since Friday, all he had consumed was water, iced tea and liquid medicine.

We have been blessed by so many cards, messages, etc. We even received a beautifully made comfort quilt and Matt's favorite, a Packers blanket. It has been such an encouragement to us and especially Matt.

A very dear friend sent this ornament to me. She encouraged me to lay my head on the "Rock". Her note was so uplifting to me. I have been trying to be strong for my husband, my family, my kids, the people around me. This strength is not from me. I can't rely on my own strength. It's from God. He is my Rock and my Refuge in time of trouble. He is with us every step of the way. The last couple of days have been especially difficult seeing Matt so discouraged and in so much pain. God wants me to lift my eyes back to Him and lean on Him.

Psalm 62:6

He alone is my ROCK and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

No church for us today

2011-03-13T13:11:00.004-06:00

This is the first Sunday in a VERY long time that we weren't in church. Matt is having a rough day today. He was feeling a little perky yesterday afternoon, but this morning he felt pretty miserable. We met the doctor at his office this morning to remove his drain. He removed the drain and said things look well. The doctor said day 2-3 is the worst and that he normally keeps patients in the hospital for 3-4 days after this surgery. He just knew Matt would rest better at home.

We will go back to the doctor on Friday for the post-op visit. He should have the results from the labs on the lymph nodes and salivary gland they took from Matt's neck. If those results come back as cancerous, they would just use stronger localized radiation to kill those cells.

It is so sad to not see Matt smiling. He's always smiling and laughing at something. I told him that this morning and he tried to crack a half crooked smile at me. I love him.

Matt gets to go home!

2011-03-12T11:56:00.003-07:00

The doctor came by and checked in on my sweet patient. He is pleased with Matt's progress and apologized for beating him up so bad. :) He removed 20-30% of his tongue during surgery. He was unable to remove the drain from his neck yet. He wants to leave it in for another 24 hours. I asked the doctor how many stitches Matt had and he replied, "tons". His neck is very sore.

Matt is ready to be home in his own bed. We look forward to being discharged in the next hour. Thank you for your continued prayers.

Good Morning 7:45am

2011-03-12T07:43:00.002-07:00

"We're not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us;
we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."
C. S. Lewis

Matt is doing as well as can be expected. He is much more alert this morning. He is very swollen in his tongue and neck which makes it difficult to drink, talk, etc. He is drinking water a little easier this morning. He is still sleeping a lot. His doctor is supposed to come by this morning to remove the drain from his neck. The drain was placed there to catch any infection or "garbage" coming from the surgery. Normally, this is the job of your lymph nodes. They act as little trash cans for the things that drain from your mouth. That's why when you're sick your lymph nodes get swollen and sore. This drain is keeping all the "yucky stuff" (yes, that's a medical term) from his neck and lymph nodes. As long as the doctor thinks things look well, he should be released to go home later today.

Evening update 8:45pm

2011-03-11T20:43:00.004-07:00

Matt is in ICU for the evening. Because of the surgery on his neck, they want to keep a close eye on him and his airway. He is in a lot of pain right now and trying to sleep. This crazy husband of mine is already trying to talk. :) I bet that doesn't surprise you much.

I sit here so relieved that this part of the journey is over. It seemed like forever waiting in the waiting room and then waiting to be reunited with Matt after the doctor came to tell me the surgery was complete. Now, it's onto recovery, which I know my big, burly husband will be a trooper.

I want to thank everyone for praying. We were absolutely blown away by Facebook messages, emails, texts, phone calls, etc. The love that pours from the family of God is so soothing. What a privilege to know that our family was being lifted to the throne of the Most High God today all over the world, literally. It gives me goosebumps. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Please continue to pray for Matt. I hate to see him in pain. Pray that he will fully regain his speaking ability. God is not finished with this boy yet!

Surgery is Complete

2011-03-11T17:07:00.002-07:00

Matt is now out of surgery. The doctor removed what he thought was about 7 lymph nodes. He removed all the cancer in the first set of margins from his tongue. He has a drain placed in his neck temporarily. He should be released some time tomorrow.

Let's Get This Party Started

2011-03-11T13:37:00.002-07:00

Matt was rolled into the Operating Room at 1:20 this afternoon. It will be at least a 3 hour wait from here.

The doctor marking Matt's neck for incisions

Simon Peter's Surf Club

2011-03-10T07:36:00.002-07:00

I was getting Payton dressed yesterday in his "Simon Peter's Surf Club" shirt. He always asks what his shirt says. I told him and asked him if he knew who Peter was. He said he wasn't sure so I began telling him the story. As I got to the part where Peter gets out of the boat, he says, "Oh, I remember. Peter stopped looking for Jesus and he sunk in the water."

I have to admit as my sweet 4 year old said that, I got goose bumps. He had just given me a revelation for the day. In all of the uncertainty of life, the moment we take our eyes off of Jesus, we sink. We go under. We can't take a breath. We can't see the light of day anymore. I admit I have those moments everyday. My thoughts get away from me. My fear overcomes me. My anxiety consumes me. Then, I have to look up and put my eyes on Jesus again. He is still there and ready for me to hand the burdens and the weight of what I'm carrying back over to Him. Sometimes it's foggy and it's so hard to see Jesus, but He's there. Don't stop looking for Jesus.

Last Sermon-March 6, 2011

2011-03-08T11:01:00.010-07:00

So anyone who knows Matt is fully aware that he doesn't take many things seriously. He has been joking about his "last supper", etc. for a while now. Well, this Sunday was his "last sermon".

This Sunday Matt got up with as much fervor as ever to share the Word of God. He had just gotten back from Catalyst West Conference where he and thousands of church leaders were filled up and encouraged. It couldn't have come at a better time. It was as if he had so much to say knowing he wouldn't be able to speak in the weeks to come. I am so proud of him. He has stayed focused on the vision of our church through all of this. Whether he is there or not, the people of Rio Rancho, NM need to be reached with the good news that God loves them.

Nerves have set in for Matt. All the "what if's" are creeping in as the surgery day approaches. I've found myself waking up in the middle of the night and wondering what it will be like after Friday. We're planning for family to come in and getting things done around the house that Matt won't be able to do after surgery.

I have no doubt in my mind that God is right here with us. In my own life, I have had several "victories in Jesus" almost as if to give me a boost of confidence and a net of support for what is to come. Yesterday day, I heard Mercy Me's song, "Bring the Rain", in the car. I found myself crying as I listened to the lyrics. I've heard it so many times before, but this time I sang along as a declaration of my own heart. I was all alone in the car, which is rare, so I just belted out even though there was pain in the offering. Whatever God chooses to walk us through, we will give Him the glory. He has paid a far bigger price for us.

"Bring the Rain"

by Mercy Me

I can count a million times

People asking me how I

Can praise You with all that I've gone through

The question just amazes me

Can circumstances possibly

Change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed

Long before these rainy days

It's never really ever crossed my mind

To turn my back on you, oh Lord

My only shelter from the storm

But instead I draw closer through these times

So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace

Bring the chance to be free

Bring me anything that brings You glory

And I know there'll be days

When this life brings me pain

But if that's what it takes to praise You

Jesus, bring the rain

I am Yours regardless of the dark clouds that may loom above

Because You are much greater than my pain

You who made a way for me

By suffering Your destiny

So tell me what's a little rain

So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain

Holy, holy, holy

Is the Lord God Almighty

Music City-Nashville, TN

2011-03-02T21:21:00.009-07:00

A friend of ours from college, Scott Brownson, who played college ball with Matt and was in our wedding, is recording a Worship CD. He invited me to come out and lay down some background vocals for his CD. What a once in a lifetime experience! I had such a great time learning about the process and cannot wait to hear the finished product. Check out his website: http://www.scottbrownsonmusic.com/

Scott and producer, Paul Coleman (from Paul Coleman trio/Newsboys)
It was not all work. Matt and I were so blessed to get away for a couple of days during the craziness of life right now. What a blessing to spend some much needed, uninterrupted time together. We checked out all Nashville had to offer. We went to downtown Nashville and walked the MusicCity Walk of Fame. We saw the Ryman Auditorium and Grand Ol' Opry. And....we visited "Cooter's" a museum full of history from...The Dukes of Hazard. Oh yeah. Unfortunately, the General Lee was out for repairs, but we did get to see Daisy's jeep, Cooter's Tow Truck and Roscoe's police car. Fun stuff!

Scott's wife, Carla (one of my long-time college friends) and baby Cooper

Hanging in the studio

Radiation Consultation

2011-02-24T19:46:00.003-07:00

Today, I sat in a patient room (with my husband) being educated on radiation therapy for cancer patients. I learned that a patient can only be treated once in a particular area. Matt’s radiation treatments will be localized to his neck and through his cheek to his tongue. After this course of treatments, that will last 5 days a week for 6 weeks, he will never be able to have radiation again in that area. A metal/mesh mask will be made to fit his face/head to keep his head still while he is in his treatments.

The doctor walked us through each step of the process. Then, she started speaking of side effects. I huge lump formed in my throat and tears filled my eyes when she told Matt that after 2-3 weeks of treatments, he will be in total pain. His mouth will be filled with blisters at the area of treatment and the outside of his face and neck will be much like a horrible sunburn. Before I could even clear my throat to speak, Matt asked how he was going to be able to preach. The doctor just shook her head. She said it will be extremely painful and that head and neck radiation was the hardest treatment to endure. I literally just sat stunned knowing exactly what my self-less husband, pastor of Paragon Church, was thinking. How was he going to do what God has called him to do?

Lots of people have been asking how I am doing. I’ll be honest, I am sick to my stomach over all of this. I have lots of fears, questions, and even a cry fest almost every day. I am human and someone I love with every ounce of my being is hurting. It breaks my heart to see what my husband has to endure over the next few months. But even in my sadness, I have to remember where my hope comes from. I cannot “grieve like people who have no hope” (I Thessalonians 4:13-15) We serve a mighty God that could rid Matt’s body of every cancer cell IF that was HIS WILL. God has a magnificent plan for my Matt Sellers and it’s far from over. God will be glorified and all honor will be given to Him. We sang a song in church on Sunday and I keep singing this truth over and over this week.

Our God is greater
Our God is stronger
God, You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer awesome in power
Our God, our God

Psalm 16:8

I know the Lord is always with me.

I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me.

Results from CT scan

2011-02-24T07:25:00.003-07:00

The doctor called last night after hours with results from Matt's CT scan on Tuesday. He said that a 9mm spot showed up in the same area as on the PET scan and that it was on a lymph node. He is not 100% sure this is cancer, but doesn't want to take any chances. His words were, "I want to get agressive with this cancer before it gets agressive with you."

So, the plan from here....
The surgery will be rescheduled. We should know the date by the end of today. The surgery will be a more intrusive surgery including a selective neck dissection that will remove any lymph nodes that need to be taken out. He may also remove Matt's salivary gland, because of where the spot is on the scans.

This isn't quite the news we were hoping for, but still thankful the cancer seems to be localized. Thank you for your continued prayers.

Psalm 121:1-2 "I lift up my eyes to the hills--where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth."

More testing

2011-02-22T14:30:00.000-07:00

Today was Matt’s CT scan. This test should show exactly what it was that was highlighted on the PET scan. We should have results by tomorrow afternoon. Then, Thursday, Matt goes in for his Radiation Consultation.

Over the last few days, we have had some serious conversations. God has provoked thoughts in my mind and drawn me closer to Him. My human nature asks all the questions: Why? Why NOW? Why Matt? I have struggled with the thoughts of Matt having to go through all of this again…the surgery, the pain, the recovery. Then, I am reminded that I don’t need to know “why”. I simply need to trust God.

I have been reading about Job and what he experienced. Job had literally lost it all. Job 1:20 says, “At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said: ‘Naked I came from my mother’s womb and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.’” When, he was at the end of the rope, Job still praised God. God has given us this life…our health…everything. He gives and he can take away. This does not mean that God is looking down on us trying to make our lives miserable. He is just. He is sovereign. He is a jealous God who wants us to be fully devoted to Him. Our life, health, stuff is His for the taking.

The thing that drew me to Matt when we first started dating was his smile. He was always smiling, laughing and having fun. While the news last Monday took his breath away, he woke up Tuesday morning ready to fight this battle….with a smile. Spending time with him, you would not know he was sick or in pain, because he’s always smiling. He has told me and others countless number of times that God knows what He is doing. I am so proud of him.

PET scan results

2011-02-18T13:47:00.007-07:00

Today, we visited Matt's doctor. The doctor checked the healing of the areas where he had biopsied last week. He also had received the results from the PET scan. The scan showed a spot under Matt's jaw line. The highlighted area seems to be in a muscle right behind a salivary gland. The doctor is very optimistic that it is just irritation and swelling from the biopsy from last week; however, he doesn't want to guess. He has ordered a head/neck CT scan for Matt next week. As long as the CT scan comes back clean, surgery will remain on March 8th. The doctor said he would remove up to 1/2 of what's left of Matt's tongue (about 1/4 was taken out 5 years ago). He did say that because of the tongue being a muscle that it most likely will regenerate a little bit. The tongue muscle also heals quickly. IF, for some reason, something else shows on the CT scan, surgery would be rescheduled due to a more complex procedure where he would do a selective neck dissection to remove lymph nodes on that side of Matt's neck.

We are praising the Lord that the cancer doesn't seem to be anywhere else in his body. This is an aggressive form of quick moving cancer cells, so we were relieved to see that his organs are all healthy. We are so overwhelmed at the number of people, literally all over the world, praying for us. Thank you so much for your compassion for us. What a special blessing to our family. Matt is in great spirits, as he usually is. He is just ready to get this party started AND finished. :)

Matt's "feel better" toy

2011-02-17T20:34:00.006-07:00

Have you ever gotten a special treat or surprise for your sick child...you know, to help them feel better? Well, consider this Matt's "feel better" toy. Right now, we are a one car family, so Mr. Baker loaned Matt a vehicle so that he could travel in style to all of his appointments today. It's a 2010 Shelby GT 500 Mustang with 540hp. (Matt made me add that last line).

Matt had his PET scan today. This procedure is one where radioactive dye is injected into his bloodstream to locate any possible cancer cells in his entire body. He had to lay still in a tube for 45 minutes the first round and 10 more minutes the second time. After completing the scan, he had a blood draw as well as a chest x-ray to prepare him for his upcoming surgery. The PET scan tech said that they would rush his results, so that we should have them tomorrow at his appointment with his doctor. We should have much more information following tomorrow's doctor's visit.

February 14th, 2010

2011-02-16T15:14:00.003-07:00

I had no idea before the day started what Valentine's would bring for our family. It started just like years past. We had special goodies for the kids and Matt and I had placed our cards on the kitchen table for each other. A part of what Matt wrote in my card read, "We have been through so much together and I would not have had any other woman by my side through it all." There was a lot of other mushy stuff too. :) I still get the little butterflies from all the sweet things he says to me. I had no idea what the rest of the day would hold for us and our family and that we were getting ready to embark on a whole new chapter in our love story.

Monday is Matt's day off. He kept Maylee at home and I had taken Payton in the morning to go on his special date to the aquarium. We looked at the fish and had a fun lunch next to the big shark tank. I was standing in the kitchen telling Matt all about our time at the aquarium when the phone rang.

Matt looked at the caller ID and said, "well, this is it". It was his doctor. We had waited all weekend for the results from a biopsy he had taken on Friday. Matt listened as the doctor gave him the news we were dreading. He looked at me with tears in his eyes and gave me a thumbs down. Everything stood still for a moment. He kept listening intently to what the doctor was saying. He asked a few questions and then the doctor ended the call leaving us to sift through the thoughts and emotions that were to follow. My big and strong husband melted into a vunerable, weak ball of emotions. He just shook his head not knowing what to say or do. We held each other. We cried. We cried some more. We questioned what the next few months would be like for our family and our church.

Our Valentine's Day was the beginning of a new journey that God is going to carry us through. We fully trust in our God. I have no doubt in my mind that Matt is going through this, because God knows that Matt will unselfishly give God the glory through this trial. Our God is good all the time.

Our 3 Valentines :)

2011-02-16T15:02:00.003-07:00

We decided several years ago that we would take the opportunity to spend extra special one-on-one time with each of our kids during the month of February. We let them pick what they would like to do for their special date. Christy takes the boys and Matt takes his princess. It was so fun to see how excited they each were as their "date day" approached.

Mom and Camden went for Super Saturday at Putt-Putt golf. We got to play in the arcade and have 2 rounds of golf. Then we went out for lunch at Taco Bueno.

Maylee Grace and Daddy went to the mall. They went into Johnny Rocket's to share an Oreo milkshake. Then, they went over to Build-a-Bear where Maylee Grace picked a cat to stuff. Then, they finished the date off with a ride on the carousel.
Payton and Mommy went to the aquarium. The highlight of his morning was petting the sting rays and baby sharks. Then, they had lunch at the Shark Reef Cafe where they got to sit right next to the shark tank.

Super Bowl Victory Day

2011-02-16T14:52:00.004-07:00

What a fun day! It was a blast having a team we love be in the Super Bowl. We spent the big day with our friends the Bakers and Brownsons. We had lots of yummy food, fun and cheering on the Packers!

Joslyn, baby Cooper, Bryson, Camden and Payton playing video games.

Brooklyn, Maylee Grace and Lauren enjoying their own movie while we watched the game.

Scott, baby Cooper, Matt and David

Jan, Christy and Carla

My Packer's Princess

My little Packer Backers

SNOW!!!!

2010-12-17T12:18:00.005-07:00

What a fun morning! School went from a 2 hour delay to cancelled all day! So naturally we made the most of our somber morning...waffles, Frosty the Snowman, hot chocolate and playing in the snow. It's tough...I know. The kids couldn't get enough of the snow. Camden was working hard to sculpt the perfect snowball. Payton was just running around throwing snowballs at everyone and then giggling so hard he'd fall over. He also kept saying, "Now it's Christmas, because we have snow." Maylee Grace made snow angels and tried her hand at snowball making as well. Fun day!

Family Night...Christmas Trees/Cones

2010-12-17T12:15:00.002-07:00

Adelyn's visit

2010-12-17T12:06:00.002-07:00

We got to meet the newest addition to some dear family friends. This is Adelyn. I had lots of fun taking pictures of her. Jenna, Adelyn's mom, was the flower girl in our wedding. It's so hard to believe she's a wife and mother now. What a blessing to look back and see children grow up to serve the Lord and then begin their own families.

Christmas "Sunday best"

2010-12-17T11:56:00.005-07:00

Confession: I totally bribed my children with peanut butter M&Ms to get these adorable smiles.
Results not typical.

Thanksgiving 2010

2010-12-17T11:40:00.004-07:00

Blessed beyond measure with family! God was so good to me. I was born into a family in love with Jesus. Then, I was married and began a new family with an amazing man of integrity and gained new family members, for whom I am totally grateful. Then, God blessed me with gifts from above...my children.

BLESSED!

The Cousins: Easton (1), Maylee Grace (2), Camden (9), Payton (4)

Carving, Costumes and Candy

2010-11-01T14:08:00.004-06:00

We carved our pumpkins from the pumpkin patch. Sunday night we went up to the Harvest Festival at church and played games and brought home lots of treats. On the way home, we stopped by a couple of family friends and then passed out treats (and teeth...see below) at our house. Fun night!

Maylee Grace wanted nothing to do with the cleaning out the pumpkin. And, of course, neither did Payton. He was doing his usual thing...gagging.

Minnie found Mickey at the Harvest Festival (this is her buddy Hunter from church)

We passed out teeth with our candy. I few pair may have already been slobbered on...sorry.

Pumpkin Patch

2010-10-10T16:47:00.005-06:00

On Payton's birthday, we went to the Pumpkin Patch in Moriarty with Papa and Mimi. It was a really fun day with lots of things to do and see. I asked the kids on the way home what their favorite thing was at the pumpkin patch.

Camden: pedal carts

Payton: riding the tractor to the pumpkin patch

Maylee Grace: the slide and bouncy pillow

Mimi and Maylee Grace

The kids are sifting through the dirt to find gemstones.

The kids loved feeding the goats. This funny guy climbed right up on the fence to get a snack.

Maylee Grace having a stare down with a chicken

Bunny Town

Don't let this picture fool you...as soon as they started the tractor motor, Maylee Grace started crying and wanted to be removed from the cow train immediately.

Payton is 4!!

2010-10-10T16:05:00.004-06:00

When I delivered Payton, I couldn't hold back tears of joy. I quickly reached out to hold this precious bundle that we had waited so long for. In that moment, we undoubtedly experienced God's presence in that hospital room. It was like God was saying, "Here you go. Here's a most precious blessing for you." We had prayed and prayed to have another baby. God had answered our prayers. The Bible says, "Children are a gift from God." Payton is a gift everyday. There isn't a day that goes by that he doesn't make me smile from ear to ear. Payton is a joy and has an infectious laugh that will make anyone laugh. Happy Birthday sweet boy!

Julianna, Payton and Ben sitting on Payton's new Lightning McQueen couch

This is the coveted RC Dragon Lightning McQueen. He's been asking for this since Christmas! :)

Balloon Fiesta 2010

2010-10-10T15:07:00.007-06:00

This is one of the best weeks of the year in Albuquerque. It is absolutely amazing seeing the sky filled with hundreds of hot air balloons. It was so fun to see how excited the kids were. We woke up early to go to the Mass Ascension on Special Shapes day. We saw balloons in all shapes and sizes: stage coach, American flag, space shuttle, bees, lady bug, airplane, cow, chili peppers, spider, Noah's Ark...just to name a few. I had too many great pictures, so I included several!

Camden and Steve Stucker the weatherman

Santa Rosa State Park Lake

2010-09-19T17:57:00.003-06:00

We had a great Saturday at the lake in Santa Rosa. We met Mimi and Papa there and ate lunch and played at the lake. The kids truly had a great time. What a fun day of memories we created! Nothing could have made it better....well, maybe if we could have stayed longer. :)

Amazing family day... God is good!

NM State Fair

2010-09-19T17:13:00.004-06:00

Matt has been working with the Baptist Convention of NM at the fair. He's been up there a lot of the last 2 weeks. We decided to go visit him one day and enjoy all the fair fun. The fair has a "McDonald's Farm" where kids can learn where the things they see in the grocery store come from and how they get there. They collected vegetables, milk, eggs, etc. They kids also loved the petting zoo. Payton talked about all day how that all he wanted to do was pet a sheep. We got to pet sheep, goats, a mini horse and cow! The kids had a great time.

Showing off their baskets of food they collected going through the farm

"So this is where milk comes from?"

Fall Kick-off Sunday at Paragon Church

2010-09-13T10:56:00.003-06:00

Paragon Church had a "Fall Kick-Off Sunday" at church. Everyone was encouraged to sport their favorite team's gear. Our family donned the green and gold!

This was the best at all of my attempts to get a picture of the three kids. The donuts were a slight destraction. :) This is Maylee Grace's "happy face".

Glow Bowl

2010-09-13T10:31:00.006-06:00

Usually for family day, we come up with something fun to do that doesn't cost anything. This day we decided to splurge and take the kids bowling. It was such a fun day. The kids had a blast! What a blessing it is to spend uninterrupted time as a family.

Family Time - August 25

2010-08-27T13:36:00.002-06:00

Back to School

2010-08-17T09:16:00.003-06:00

I cannot believe we have a 4th grader!

Camden was really excited to go to school this morning. He was most looking forward to playing tetherball. :) He was also excited to see who was in his class. Matt and I spent some special time with him last night reminding him what a huge responsibility he as a "big man on campus" or "upper classman". We prayed with him about the upcoming year and the light He could be for Jesus at school!

With Camden having his backpack on, both of the little kids thought they needed their backpacks too.

This was my attempt of what could have been a really cute picture. It was interrupted by Maylee Grace punching Payton's backpack and Payton yelling, "Stop touching my backpack!"
Welcome to our world....

Maylee Grace is turning 2!

2010-08-07T19:56:00.003-06:00

What a great day celebrating our sweet Maylee Grace! She had a wonderful Minnie Mouse party and of course, was the cutest Minnie there. :)

Taste testing before we share with the party attendees.

This party stuff is rough.

By the end of the party, she was content just playing with her bubbles. :)

4th of July Festivities

2010-07-04T16:44:00.006-06:00

What a busy weekend! It started on Saturday with the City of Rio Rancho Parade. Our church was in the parade. All the kids rode their bikes and we passed out information for VBS. Saturday night was the big fireworks show.....which also means a huge party in our backyard. Seventy plus people squeezed into our backyard to get a great view of the Rio Rancho Fireworks Display. It was a great evening. Sunday has been a beautiful day of remembering the independence we have in our country. We're also reminded of the independence that living in Christ gives us. We are free from sin, because Jesus Christ has already paid the penalty.

Happy 4th of July!

Maylee Grace and Hunter

Julianna and Payton

Parade

Jemez Picnic

2010-06-28T20:16:00.004-06:00

We ventured out for a picnic in the Jemez Mountains. We love to go up there. We usually take a short trail to a beautiful waterfall. As we headed that way, we were met by a park ranger that said the trail was closed due to a mountain lion in the area. We resorted to throwing rocks into the stream versus being dinner for the mountain lion. The kids had a great time as always. They would throw rocks into the water all day if we let them. Even Maylee Grace jumped right into the action and did everything the boys were doing.

Look closely and see the little friend that greeted us while we were throwing rocks. :(

Baby Birds

2010-06-28T20:13:00.002-06:00

Two robins decided to make a nest in our backyard tree. The boys and I got an upclose look at the babies from the playhouse.

Father's Day

2010-06-20T19:26:00.005-06:00

Father's Day should be one of the most celebrated days in our house. You see, we have a great Daddy at our house. He is a strong man after God's own heart. He follows His God and loves his family. He is the strength of our home. I know there are families all around that have disengaged and busy fathers that don't make their families a priority. We are blessed to have a Daddy that loves us and loves to be with us.

Obviously, our Daddy had to "work" today. The cool thing is that we all get to go to work with him! Today we had a military theme at church complete with real military weapons and a vehicle. Then, later this afternoon, we had a Baptism Celebration/pool party with our church family. What a beautiful day!

Camden and his buddy Nick checking out the guns
Riding in the Gama Goat 6 wheel drive vehicle

The Baptism Celebration was held at the Lang's home. We are blessed to have such a beautiful place to go visit so close to home. They love on our children (well, really our whole family). Mrs. Angie loves to show off the animals to the kids and they love to see them! Maylee Grace could not get enough of the horses!

The two little swimmers hanging with Daddy in the pool. Camden wouldn't stay in one place long enough to get a picture. :) He was a busy boy.

2010-06-20T19:20:00.004-06:00

Mrs. Angie was so sweet to let the kids love on the horses. She allowed them to feed and pet them. She also so kindly warned them of the "doo-doo". Thanks Angie! :)

At the Pool with cousin Easton

2010-06-18T15:33:00.003-06:00

We had lots of fun taking a trip to Amarillo for a few days. We got to spend some time with cousin Easton. The kids had a blast at the pool!

Pooped......after a day of swimming :)

Backyard Fun

2010-06-03T07:23:00.005-06:00

What's Your Name??

2010-06-03T07:18:00.001-06:00